(August 9, 2010 reflecting on June 26, 2010) In my journal I have written: Isaías 30:21 Ya sea que te desvíes a la derecha o a la izquierda, tus oídos percibirán a tus espaldas una voz que te dirá "Éste es el camino; siguelo."
This is the text of scripture from Isaiah 30:21 which reads in English: Your own ears will hear him. Right behind you a voice will say, “This is the way you should go,” whether to the right or to the left.
We went to the lay led worship service on Saturday morning, I also wrote the following observation: "Two of the women - up front & closing doors - are wearing all white. It gives the impression of being set apart." I definitely heard that still small voice during this prayer session. I wrote: "...when I think too much about the future - in many ways (it) doesn't compute. It is when I pray that (I can see) the way forward. Nothing really computes at all cerebrally about my future and the uncertainty of (it). Today my prayers were in tongues, saying, I suppose, the words my mind won't allow me to say - pouring out my heart and coming only in this way to a peace - regarding the future - and in those moments I am at peace about walking (forward)..."
This day of prayer and saying goodbye was a very personal one for me - not filled so much with reflections on the stories I had heard, but filled with the anticipation and the uncertainty of the future that awaited me upon my return to my own life and people. My time in Valle Nuevo, once again, was a healing time for me. We gathered for lunch at Angelina and Pedro's house - and I was met with the overwhelming affection of their daughters - who threatened to kidnap me and not allow me to leave. The sharing of my own story with them and with a few others has formed a bond, a connection - one that I have a desire to continue to cultivate. I have come to a new place within the past year between my first and this, my second visit to Valle Nuevo. My desire to remain connected to people who are far away seems somewhat attainable now - though I have been so completely overwhelmed by this idea in the past. Bit by bit, even since June, I have been able to very slowly reestablish communication with some of my own people. My hope is to also remain connected to Valle Nuevo in someway throughout the coming year - probably through email communication with Morena. We share a common vocation - I recognize in her the passion for teaching children that I know in myself.
Now, as I write this last reflection - it is hard to believe that I have come to the end of these writings - I look forward to tomorrow and the continuing on of reconnecting, and remaining connected to the people God has put, and continues to put in my path. We left Valle Nuevo on this day, and left El Salvador the next- but I have written nothing further written in my journal, and so, I will end with one last thought.
The very last words I have written in my journal are the following, one phrase on top of the other with a line dividing them, as if it were a fraction. "Voz de duda / Voz de paz." (Voice of doubt / Voice of peace.) The way forward after a tragedy is sometimes very confusing. When my thoughts are filled with the voice of doubt, it is only within my prayers that I can come to a place of peace about the future. The faith of the people of Valle Nuevo has taught me to listen to that voice of peace.
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