Water and Light

"And I will establish my covenant with you; neither shall all flesh be cut off any more by the waters of the flood; neither shall there any more be a flood to destroy the earth."  (Genesis 9:11)

"Whenever I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every kind." (Genesis 9:14,15)

"Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth."(Genesis 9:16)

Last night as our Thanksgiving Festival coordinators explained the Sukkoth observance that we will be remembering in the next few days - the importance of water and light were mentioned.  It seems fitting that on this day I am exploring one of the most well known symbols of promise, that which comes from combining water and light:  the rainbow.  As I look to my left at the calendar on my wall, I am also reminded that we are in the Jewish month of Chesvan, "which is the month of the beginning and end of the flood".

Two days from now will be the first day of the Jewish month of Kislev, "the month of lights" (as well as Chanukah).  Sunday also marks the first day of advent (the time of waiting for the Messiah, the birth of the Christ child) and the new year of the Christian liturgical calendar.  Additionally November 27, 2011 is my mother's 63rd birthday - a day I did not think she would live to see at this time last year.  It is impossible for me to ignore the convergence of these days together.

It seems unlikely that we will truly be emerging from the storms of our lives all at once in the next couple of days in time to see the light and hope of the advent season.  But that is what is so wonderful about the covenant promise - it requires both the water of the storm clouds and light of the sun to form the rainbow.  In the midst of our storm we must look for the light.

Have you ever seen a rainbow and kept it all to yourself?  My experience is that people can't help but share - point it out - talk about it.  As we find the light in our storm - we must do the same - point it out for others to see - bring some hope to the gloom of the storm.

I am not feeling deeply profound this morning - but am thankful for the following words of T.S. Eliot, (taken from "Little Gidding"  - No. 4 of 'Four Quartets')

If you came this way,
Taking any route, starting from anywhere,
At any time or at any season,
It would always be the same: you would have to put off
Sense and notion. You are not here to verify,
Instruct yourself, or inform curiosity
Or carry report. You are here to kneel

I have done a lot of verifying, instructing myself, informing curiosity, and carrying report as of late.  It is time for me to stop and kneel for a while...Eliot continues...

Where prayer has been valid. And prayer is more
Than an order of words, the conscious occupation
Of the praying mind, or the sound of the voice praying.

 And for those who would like to read more:

http://www.tristan.icom43.net/quartets/gidding.html 

To whom much is given, much is required

"Surely I will require your lifeblood; from every beast I will require it. And from every man, from every man’s brother I will require the life of man."  (Genesis 9:5)

This promise seems to be referring specifically to the sanctity of life, establishing a general requirement of respect, especially when blood is spilled - either human or animal.  It seems to be read by some as a complement to the "eye for eye, tooth for tooth, life for life" crime and punishment principle set forth in the old testament.

But here is what I have found in defining the word darash  (translated here "require"):  to resort to, seek, seek with care, enquire, require, frequent (a place), (tread a place), to consult, enquire of, seek (with a demand), investigate, ask for, practice, study, follow, seek with application, care for.

It is a word also used of God's people as they seek him out.



I have often felt that much is required of me.  Indeed, there is much required of us as the body of Christ.  This should come as no surprise - God promised to require our very lifeblood.  God requires partnership in this work of creation and redemption.  God has no one to turn to but us in seeking out this partnership to care for one another. 


He makes this promise specifically to Noah, after washing the filth of humanity off the face of the earth and promising never to do so again.  But in the promise that he will not destroy us - he promises that we have a lot of work to do.  We must care for life with every ounce of blood that we have been given.  God has promised to require this of us.



Christ did this so perfectly that it poured from his pores.  This life together and caring for one another seems really, really hard sometimes - but to my knowledge, not a one of us has yet begun to sweat blood. 


Take courage, my brothers and sisters.  We are not yet done and the road ahead seems long.  This is true.  The fulfillment of this promise - God requiring a lot of us - is evidence to me that God keeps his promises.  A few of those promises from our morning prayer book today:


From Isaiah 65...


"I will rejoice over Jerusalem and delight in my people."
"I will answer them before they even call to me.  While they are still talking about their needs, I will go ahead and answer their prayers!"


From Revelation 21...


"To all who are thirsty I will give freely from the springs of the water of life.  All who are victorious will inherit all these blessings, and I will be their God, and they will be my children."

never again

“I will never again curse the ground because of the human race, even though everything they think or imagine is bent toward evil from childhood. I will never again destroy all living things." (Genesis 8:21,22)


Do I take this as a promise? It is something that God said "in his heart" once he sensed the pleasing aroma of the incense and sacrifice of Noah.  That is a curious thing to note - that these words were a form of God's self-talk.  I can imagine God's thought process...I don't think I'll ever do that again!  Are we back to regret, or is this stronger?  In looking at the causal nature of the verbs used - the future tense, and intentionality, and the simple fact that these words made it into scripture,  I would like to believe that this is a promise - but it is one which we can never really test - because "never" is eternal.  He hasn't yet . . . so it is a promise that begs our trust.

This type of promise is one that highlights for me my posture toward God as of late.  So what if he breaks this promise?  What if he does change his mind?  What if I choose not to take God at his word?  What would that mean for the living out of my faith?  I could shake my fist at him - and decide not to follow his instructions - to follow my own path instead of the one he has laid out before me.  That seems unwise - if I believe that God actually does have the power to destroy all living things.  Perhaps he might decide to destroy me.  I suppose I could live in fear of God's wrath and frustration.  But I don't. 

In choosing to take God at his word - I walk a freer path.  I am free to follow his instructions - and free to make mistakes along the way.  I am free to question - is this really the right path?  I am free to wander a bit.  And in choosing to believe - I join together with other believers who are walking the path.  Hopefully it is easier to find our way together - and if we take a wrong turn we are trusting that God is not going to wipe us out but call us back to his way.

Sometimes, when I contemplate the evil in and around us, I wonder if God regrets making this promise.  But hopefully, each time we care for one another and follow the way of Jesus - he is reassured that we are well worth the effort.

Maybe God doesn't need the reassurance - but I am sure that I do.

Preparing for the flood

Following God's expression of regret, he speaks the following words:  "The end of all flesh is come before me;  for the earth is filled with violence through them.  I will destroy them with the earth." (Genesis 6:13)  In this passage, humanity has come to the end of itself.  But somehow we live on.  There are many kinds of ends.  The end of a marriage, the end of innocence, the end of a friendship, the end of life.  Each of these can mean the end of the world as we know it.  Whether by our own sin sickness, the sin of another, or the tragedy of disease - something unrecoverable is lost with each ending.  God promised to destroy the earth and it's inhabitants - and he did indeed drown everything until not even a leaf of an olive tree could be seen.

"I will bring a flood of waters upon the earth to destroy all flesh in which is the breath of life under heaven. " (Genesis 6:17)

"But I will establish my covenant with you,"  (Genesis 6:18)  God says to Noah.  There is a way of escape from the destruction for those who would follow God's instructions.  The only indication of what this covenant will be in this passage is that Noah and his family "will enter the ark".  Calling this an "ark of the covenant" only works in English - but somehow I am attracted to the parallel.    A place of refuge from the end of the world as it was known to that point.  All of this is followed by a very specific set of instructions for Noah - who "did everything just as God commanded him."  I cannot imagine that Noah had been untouched by the sin around him.  But God had found him righteous, blameless, and faithful.  Noah is offered a way out of the depravity of the world and a chance for a new start.  And he is given some first steps. 

This feels very much like the steps we are taking as a church.  We have chosen to explore the 12-step model as a way to deal with our sin.  It is a chance to get on the ark and be saved from the depravity we have fallen into.  I think I like the idea of an ark better than the idea of a wagon - because the wagon wheels keep getting stuck in the mud.  But in the ark analogy - those who refuse to get on board get washed away with their sin...

"I will send rain on the earth for forty days and forty nights, and I will wipe from the face of the earth every living creature I have made."  (Genesis 7:4)

Five years ago I began to prepare for a flood of sorts in my own life - in the wake of marital infidelity and separation from my husband - I found myself faced with the story of Noah - I prepared to leave the country where we had chosen to build a life together, anticipating what I called "a flood of blessing and reckoning" to fall upon him.  I had a planned date to return in hopes of marital reconciliation - and as I counted those days on the calendar - finding a parallel with the story of Noah - my original scheduled time to be away was exactly the number of days that Noah was on the ark.

I did find my place on the ark - and came to rest here where I now reside - which was not the place I expected to land.  Unfortunately, my husband was washed completely away from me in that flood.  His story is no longer my own.  But God has brought me to a new place where I have begun to rebuild.  I'm actually four years into my new start now and have entered into a covenant with the people and the place of my refuge.  We have found ourselves, as of late, getting stuck in the mud of the same sins over and over again - and I wonder if we need to look for an ark to lift us up and off the face of our sin on the earth for a while . . . Come inside - take the steps onto this ark of recovery. This is our invitation and our plea to all who would join us.  The sins will be washed away - regardless of our choices - but we have the opportunity to survive the flood and be restored to sanity.

Do I really believe this is possible?  Are these extravagant promises?  I actually think they are extravagant.  (Sorry 12-steps).  But we move forward in faith, anyway.  I did, indeed, survive a flood once - that has to at least count for something.

Regret

"I will wipe from the face of the earth the human race I have created - and with them the animals, the birds and the creatures that move along the ground - for I regret that I have made them." (Genesis 6:7)  It is comforting to me that God experiences regret.  I think that God knew that humanity could reach this level of depravity - but it was not a given.  A little before this promise of what God will do, he seems to make an assessment of his own character in relation to creation:  "My Spirit will not contend with human beings forever, for they are mortal;  their days will be a hundred and twenty years."  God seems to be making an adjustment in the original set up - or perhaps he is simply naming the natural consequences of the sin into which humanity had fallen.  At the rate humanity is going - I cannot put up with them forever.  God seems to be establishing some boundaries here - we are not going to be allowed to simply wallow in our sin forever.  There is an escape from the existential abyss - but it will come at a great cost.

This comfort - that God experiences regret - comes in the face of the deep regret of a decision our church community made together.  A decision I played a key role in.  I do not believe such a decision was a sin, maybe not even a mistake, though I have used this word in reference to the decision. If God experiences regret - does that mean he can make mistakes?  I don't really think this is the logical outcome - but rather, God regrets what we, as humans, decided to do with our freedom.

In recent months I have found myself falling into the mistaken notion that I can experience a life without regrets.  To be honest, even in looking over my life and the sorrow I have known as a result of my own sin and the sins of others, I cannot readily point to regret.  Perhaps I need to take a closer look.  Perhaps I need to scrutinize more deeply to find those things which I regret.  Perhaps I am living in denial.  I don't think I am likely to go there - but I can face into this current regret that is staring me in the face.  Who do I think I am to live a life without regrets if God himself regretted the very creation of humanity?

And that is where I find myself face to face with God - who also experiences regret and the sorrow of our sin .  We truly are in this all together.  Maybe living a life without regrets is possible - if we hand our regrets over to God - and allow him to carry them to the cross.  He is our father (and mother), after all.  That is what parents are supposed to do - help their kids clean up the messes they make.  And we parents know that we do experience regret - as we are helping our child clean up the entire gallon of milk she spilled all over the dining room floor because we let her pour it herself. (That is my own story - as a child - my own mother is the parent in that one - thanks, Mom!)  But it was not wrong for Mom to let me pour that milk myself - I insisted I was strong enough.  Mom probably new I might spill it, but also knew that I might find the strength to pour it without mishap.  And when I spilled it - I learned something about how NOT to hold the jug of milk next time.

The faith required in the face of regrets is that God is big enough, capable enough, to clean up the mess we have made - and as a good parent - he will require us to participate in that process.  It probably will not be fun.  And the dining room floor may smell like sour milk for quite a long time.

Knowing

"I will make your pains in childbearing very severe..."  This is the first promise spoken directly to the
woman.  Eve's recorded response after Adam "knew" her:    "With the help of the Lord I have brought forth a man." Or more literally:  "I have gotten a manchild from (with) the Lord." 

The more I investigate the Hebrew in this passage the more I am convinced that the sexual union between a man and a wife is a way of intimacy with God - by knowing one another, we know God better.  This applies to relationships even outside of a sexual context, but the intimate knowing of the "opposite sex" in my mind is a completion of the image of God that is difficult to know in any other way. 

And yet this knowledge comes with a promise of pain.  Why do we expect it to be any different?  To know God is to know pain.  Sexual union outside of the sacred context of marriage is to know the pain without knowing God in the process.  For me this is not simply an intellectual interpretation of scripture - my own experience points to sex in the proper context as a road to intimacy with God.

The ability to give birth is an amazing gift and could easily lead a woman to the sin of pride.  The concept of goddess worship and the personification of "Mother Nature" is one way in which idolatry of the feminine excludes the masculine nature of God.  Nature is not our mother - God is both mother and father to all of creation.  This is a pendulum swing, in my opinion, in reaction to the concept of God as a masculine figure.  I believe that all feminine and masculine qualities are housed in the person of God - and have no problem with those who prefer to use the feminine pronoun when referring to God.  For me, however, it is most helpful in referring to God as father and husband because it leads me in submission to that which I am not.  It helps me to recognize in God that which I lack.  It challenges me to trust that there is safety in the masculine presence - even when my experience of human masculinity has proved unsafe for the most part.  I am grateful that the desire to know that which I am not has not yet died inside of me.

Eve was reminded in her pain that she could not bring forth life on her own.  She needed God's help.  I did not have much choice in my case but to give up as I lie there on the operating table.  Left to my own abilities - the three of us would have died.  "Let go and let God" is agonizingly cliché - but in my case, I had no strength to hang on to anything at that moment.  Even so and even now - I do a lot, I accomplish a lot - somehow I pull through day to day in this crazy job of mothering in spite of myself - even without a man at my side.  It is easy to fall into the sin of thinking that it all depends on me.  I have a choice each day to rely on my own strength or on something greater than myself.  Fortunately, even in my bold wrestling with God, it doesn't take much to bring me to the end of myself - and I have a very deep sense that my own strength is not enough. 

The First Three Promises

The second word from God concerning the future is also an instruction, followed by a warning.  "You are free to eat from any tree in the garden;  but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will certainly die."  The instruction:  Eat from all but this particular tree.  The warning, almost sounding like a "promise":  It is likely that you will eat of this tree even though I have told you not to, and in that case, you will die.    In the open view of God, there actually is room for this not to happen - this is not a rock solid foretelling of the future, and thus is not, in my mind, a promise.  It did, indeed, happen, but might not have if humanity had made a different choice.

The first real promise, in my definition of promises from God being those things that he says he will do:  "It is not good for the man to be alone.  I will make a helper suitable for him." (Genesis 2:18) In my mind, this is God's first promise to humanity.  The creation of the woman was God's fulfillment of this promise.  I am drawn to this idea of my identity as a woman being a fulfillment of God's first promise.

God's next words speaking to the future are to the serpent after the fall.  He will crawl on his belly and eat dust. The woman's offspring will crush the serpent's head and the serpent will strike the offspring's heel.   The second promise is to the serpent:  "I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers." (Genesis 3:15)

And the third is to the woman:  "I will make your pains in childbearing very severe." (Genesis 3:16)  It disturbs me that this comes out of God's mouth in the first person.  Curiously, even though the pain I experienced with an abrupted placenta is supposedly more severe than normal labor - I don't actually remember much of the pain itself.  I remember being there. I remember the ride to the hospital as the pace of the contractions quickened from once every hour to once every five minutes.  I remember being offered a wheel chair and somehow ending up in it.  I remember the specific contents of my dinner from the night before as the only meal I lost during the entire pregnancy.  I do remember refusing to lie down and the excrutiating pain that would shoot through my lower back at any attempt.  I remember the gurney ride, in my seated position, to the operating room - and the cold iodine wash on my abdomen as I was finally pushed to a horizontal position.  Finally, I remember the angelic face of the anesthesiologist as everything around me faded to white.  I was pretty sure I was going to die - I was convulsing, but I don't really remember seeing my body shake or anything, just a prayer that God would care for my husband and my babies in my absence.

Then I remember waking with a very sore throat (I had been intubated to keep me breathing through the process) and the looming question as my hand instinctively searched - touching the deflated shell of a womb that at last remembrance housed my two children in a swell that resembled the belly of a whale . . . Where were my babies? This is where my own "childbearing" (the process of giving birth)  story ends and the story of child rearing begins.

In my experience, the third promise has been fulfilled.  What about the first two?  There is something very broken inside of me.  It would seem that I have not proved to be a suitable helper.  And yet, that desire for a husband remains . . . Did Eve prove to be a suitable helper?  Well, she successfully helped Adam step right out of God's will . . . I actually really want to believe that God keeps his promises - that we, as women, are what God promised we would be.  That we are suitable to the partnership of caring for creation. I want to believe that the feminine presence is what completes the image of God in humanity - for man's aloneness is the first thing God proclaimed to be "not good".

And as for the second promise, the enmity between the woman and the serpent - that which would tempt us away from all that God created us to be?  Eve fell very quickly into this temptation.  Perhaps that is what makes us women so suitably fierce in our desire to protect and nuture that which God has brought forth from our womb.  It was the woman who looked deepest into the eyes of the serpent - who communed with the darkness - and knew things that God never wanted us to know.  So we are charged with opposing the dark forces.  Tolkien taps into this idea of enmity in his portrayal of Eowyn in Return of the King.  It was a woman who was best suited to oppose the dark evil of the witch-king. 

So I have successfully talked myself into believing that God has kept his first three promises:

√ the woman as a suitable helper to man
√ enmity between the woman and the serpent
√ severe pain in child bearing

As for the curse given to the man (painful toil) . . . it was not worded as a promise in the first person from God.  I find this interesting but as a daughter of Eve I will leave further processing on this point to the sons of Adam.

Genesis (restore us to sanity)

What does it mean to be restored to sanity?  This question springs out of the 12 steps to recovery (step 2):  "We came to believe that a power greater than us could restore us to sanity."  The question comes from a place of feeling like sanity has never been a reality - but something new that was being sought.  How can we be restored to something we have never known?  I find my answer in Genesis - the creation - the world the way God meant it to be.  Creation is God's first recorded act.  And each day along the way he steps back and observes that what he has made is "good".  Even with the creation of humanity - God observes that what he has made is "very good".  The idea that God stepped back to observe his creation and make a judgment call seems to imply to me that there was room for God to say that it wasn't good.  I don't think God would create something evil - but perhaps he could have created something and then decided that it didn't please him.  Just as a chef or an artist might experiment with ingredients or color - following each step with absolute intention - but not being pleased with the final product... God could have said, I don't really like how this turned out.  But he didn't (not yet anyway).  It was pleasing to him and all his senses (I suspect he has more than just five).  This goodness came with an instruction:  "Be fruitful and increase in number;  fill the earth and subdue it.  Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground." 

This is God's first word to humanity concerning the future.  It is an instruction to be followed.  We are to "rule" over creation.  The only example of ruling thus far is God - walking with his creation, caring for it, taking pleasure in it, stepping back and seeing that it is good.  What place did the word kabash have in this context?  In Hebrew it seems to be more of a military term used in domination of the enemy.  The reading of kabash  as subdue  in the sense of "bringing under cultivation" sits better in my soul.  I have made this creation for you.  Use it as you will.  The Bible later goes on to describe good practices for using the resources God has given us.  These good practices are a model of good stewardship.  The better we treat the earth, the better it will serve us.  I think this goes for our bodies as well.  The better we treat our bodies, the better they will serve us.  The better we treat our souls, the better they will serve us.  I like how the word sanity in English resembles the word sanidad  in Spanish (my second language).  Sanidad  isn't just about being "sane".  It isn't just a mental health issue.  We use this word to talk about spiritual healing - and about health in general.  Sano  simply means healthy.   So in step two, we are looking toward God to restore our bodies, minds, and souls.  To make us whole again.  To bring us back to the goodness of creation - that which is pleasing to God.  Perhaps the word kabash  took on a more agressive tone as sin took hold in the world.  Is it our own sin which came out of creation the very thing that we must subdue?    I think this may be what the second step is getting at.  God, restore us to a place where we can step back and see things from your perspective - that your creation is good.  

(If you've been following my blog recently - the promises in Genesis are yet to come...)

2 Corinthians 13

So I came to Ephesians chapter 1 - and have continued to read before I go back to Genesis - but I also read 2 Corinthians 13 today as a part of morning prayers.  Yes, I continue to be resistant to attributing things to God - but he seems to make it pretty hard for me to deny.  I keep finding passages (in a seeming random way) that address my struggle.  Today I am challenged to take Paul's promises as God's promises...In Ephesians 3 Paul speaks of God's glorious, unlimited resources and his ability to empower us with inner strength.  He seems to promise that "Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him.  Your roots will grow down into God's love and keep you strong."  I have experienced this to be true - but am reluctant to attribute Paul's promise to God.  Probably just because I am stubborn.  And then I come to 2 Corinthians - where Paul specifically builds a case for his own authority.  "I will give you all the proof you want that Christ speaks through me."  The rest of the Corinthians passage is particularly powerful in speaking of God's own manifestation of strength through the weakness of Christ crucified.  He then goes on to seemingly directly affirm my current journey:  "Examine yourselves to see if your faith is genuine.  Test yourselves.  Surely you know that Jesus Christ is among you;  if not, you have failed the test of genuine faith."

This makes a lot of sense.  My journey of "testing God's promises" is actually a journey of testing my own faith.  It's funny (weird/strange funny, not "lol" funny)...Am I ready to say that I have failed the test?  I seem unwilling to say for sure that Jesus Christ is among us...why am I so stubborn?  There is much evidence to suggest that he is, indeed, present.  Maybe I do actually know . . . but there is some conflict going on in my soul.  Do I really want to admit that I am struggling with my very identity as a Christian?  That feels pretty scary.  My experience tells me that God can handle it so it is o.k.   I'm not always sure that others can, though. 

Ephesians 2

This seems like an important passage to have "under my belt" as I prepare to go back to the beginning to search for promises.  A couple of years ago I sought out all the passages in the Bible in which a covenant is mentioned.  I did this by reading through the Bible in paragraph form. This was an important exercise for me in preparing myself to enter into a covenant relationship with the body of believers that God has brought me to.  I was specifically looking for examples of covenants made between people, but the overwhelming majority of covenants mentioned in the Bible are the covenants that God made with his people.  It is time for me to revisit those covenants - and this message in Ephesians to the Gentiles helps to point me in the direction of receiving God's promises to his people.

"You were excluded from citizenship among the people of Israel, and you did not know the covenant promises God had made to them.  You lived in this world without God and without hope."

Yes, God's promises bring hope.  I have mentioned before that eschatological (what will happen in the end) hope somehow escapes me.  It has been suggested that I look to the book of Revelations, the foretelling of the coming apocalypse, to find promises.  It was also commented that I am a "glutton for punishment" for looking into the Old Testament for promises. (See my entry on Zephaniah.)  This passage in Ephesians affirms my vision to dig toward the foundations of my faith.  What promises did God offer his people from the beginning?  

"So now you Gentiles are no longer strangers and foreigners.  You are citizens along with all of God's holy people.  You are members of God's family.  Together, we are his house, built on the foundation of the apostles and the prophets.  And the cornerstone is Christ Jesus himself.  We are carefully joined together in him, becoming a holy temple for the Lord.  Through him you Gentiles are also being made part of this dwelling where God lives by his Spirit."

There is something about the structure of my faith which has been called into question, so I am wanting to go back, reexamine and rebuild - just as Nehemiah did with the wall in Jerusalem.  I want to read well the promises of redemption so that I know better what I should expect from God.  If there are promises of destruction (as I found in Zephaniah) - I want to hear those as well.  I am not easily led to despair.  This journey is about knowing well the place of faith I find myself in.  There may be blocks of stone that I assume to be there which are not (expectations I have of God which are not based on his promises) - if I find this to be true - I want to replace the phantom blocks with real promises as the foundation of my faith. 

I have also begun to contemplate the source and the reasoning for a few very personal "words" I have heard (in my head?) - and have attributed to God - mainly because they were very clear and have stuck with me.  The first was a prophetic warning - which did indeed come to pass.  One was a promise - which has yet to be fulfilled.   The last was an instruction - which I continue to follow, but it is an instruction that implies a hope - and I sometimes wonder if it is unfounded.  As a part of my process I hope to analyze these words in the light of the promises I have found in the Bible.  Do they fall in line with God as he has revealed himself in Scripture?  Can I trust them, or should they be taken only with a grain of salt?  These are not the most important words from God in my life - but they do seem to significantly influence my actions.

I am having trouble finding a way to end this well, so I will simpldy do so here. 

Ezekiel 34

"This is what the sovereign Lord says:  I now consider these shepherds my enemies, and I will hold them responsible for what has happened to my flock.  I will take away their right to feed the flock,  and I will stop them from feeding themselves.  I will rescue my flock from their mouths;  the sheep will no longer be their prey. . . I myself will search and find my sheep.  I will be like a shepherd looking for his scattered flock.  I will find my sheep and rescue them from all the places where they were scattered on that dark and cloudy day.  I will bring them back home to their own land of Israel from among the peoples and nations.  I will feed them on the mountains of Israel and by the rivers and in all the places where people live.  Yes, I will give them good pastureland on the high hills of Israel.  There they will lie down in pleasant places and feed in the lush pastures of the hills.  I myself will tend my sheep and give them a place to lie down in peace . . . I will search for my lost ones who strayed away, and I will bring them safely home again.  I will bandage the injured and strengthen the weak.  But I will destroy those who are fat and powerful.  I will feed them, yes - feed them justice! . . . I will judge between one animal of the flock and another, separating the sheep from the goats. . . I will surely judge between the fat sheep and the scrawny sheep.  For you fat sheep pushed and butted and crowded my sick and hungry flock until you scattered them to distant lands.  So I will rescue my flock, and they will no longer be abused.  I will judge between one animal of the flock and another.  And I will set over them one shepherd, my servant David.  He will feed them and be a shepherd to them.  And I, the Lord, will be their God, and my servant David will be a prince among my people.  I, the Lord, have spoken!  I will make a covenant of peace with my people and drive away the dangerous animals from the land.  Then they will be able to camp safely in the wildest places and sleep in the woods without fear.  I will bless my people and their homes around my holy hill.  And in the proper season I will send the showers they need.  There will be showers of blessing.  The orchards and fields of my people will yield bumper crops, and everyone will live in safety.  When I have broken their chains of slavery and rescued them from those who enslaved them, then they will know that I am the Lord.  They will no longer be prey for other nations, and wild animals will no longer devour them.  They will live in safety, and no one will frighten them.  And I will make their land famous for its crops, so my people will never again suffer from famines or the insults of foreign nations.  In this way, they will know that I, the Lord their God, am with them.  And they will know that they, the people of Israel, are my people."

Within this passage there is much judgement and there is much hope.  These are promises which motivate me to live on the side of the injured, the weak, the scrawny, the sick, the hungry, the abused, the lost ones who strayed away, the ones who are enslaved, the ones in prison, the thirsty, the naked, the stranger. . . for it is there that I might perhaps experience the showers of blessing that are promised in our greatest time of need.  This is where I want to live.  This is where I want to stay.  Counter-intuitively, this is the place of safety. 

I came of age under the shadow of the political slogan "Peace through strength" - a phrased coined by the supporters of the MX missile in the 1970's - it became the rally cry of Reagan's political campaign in the late 1980s. The oxymoron of this justification of the accumulation of military might is perhaps subtle.  A simple walking forward with this idea will bring one to it's logical conclusion - as Andrew Bacevich (retired career Army officer and self described conservative catholic) has pointed out that "belief in the efficacy of military power almost inevitably breeds the temptation to put that power to work. 'Peace through strength' easily enough becomes 'peace through war.'" 

The prophet Ezekiel gives voice to God's offering of another way.  The alternative:  Peace through weakness.  Is this not where God's strength is made perfect?  For those who claim to follow the God of the Torah and/or the Bible - we would do well to take heed that we not find ourselves living on the side of the fat and powerful.

Matthew 25 (eternity)

"But when the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, then he will sit upon his glorious throne.  All the nations will be gathered in his presence, and he will separate the people as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats.  He will place the sheep at his right hand and the goats at his left.  Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the Kingdom prepared for you from the creation of the world.  For I was hungry, and you fed me.  I was thirsty, and you gave ma a drink.  I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home.  I was naked, and you gave me clothing.  I was sick, and you cared for me.  I was in prison, and you visited me.'....Then the King will turn to those on the left and say, "Away with you, you cursed ones, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his demons.  For I was hungry, and you didn't feed me.  I was thirsty, and you didn't give me a drink.  I was a stranger, and you didn't invite me into your home.  I was naked, and you didn't give me clothing.  I was sick and in prison, and you didn't visit me.'...And they will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous will go into eternal life."

So, I have avoided noting "prophecy" as promises - when the Bible describes what "will happen" and am choosing to limit myself to what God says he will do.  In this passage, Christ is speaking of himself (the Son of Man) in the third person - so I take it as a promise. 

Zephaniah 1

These are interesting promises.  I have little to say about them.
"I will sweep away everthing from the face of the earth"
"I will sweep away people and animals alike.  I will sweep away the birds of the sky and the fish in the sea..  I will reduce the wicked to heaps of rubble, and I will wipe humanity from the face of the earth."
"I will crush Judah and Jerusalem with my fist and destroy every last trace of their Baal worship.  I will put an end to all the idolatrous priests, so that even the memory of them will disappear."
"I will destroy those who used to worship me but now no longer do."
"On that day of judgment I will punish the leaders and princes of Judah and all those following pagan customs.  Yes, I will punish those who participate in pagan worship ceremonies, and those who fill their masters' houses with violence and deceit."
"I will search with lanterns in Jerusalem's darkest corners to punish those who sit complacent in their sins."
"Because you have sinned against the Lord, I will make you grope around like the blind.  Your blood will be poured into the dust, and your bodies will lie rotting on the ground."

Should we take comfort?  Should we take heed?  These promises may feed our vindictive side - but probably should serve more as a warning against our own sinful behavior.  At the very least this is a glimpse of the darker side of God.  I am grateful that this is not all there is.

Judges 4

In my search for God's promises, I am not being very intentional about where I am reading, but rather, I am some following some lectionary and prayer book readings to see what I come across.  Today I find a promise in the book of Judges. Through Deborah God promises victory to Barak over Sisera.  This is curious to me and my pacifist sensibilities. It seems to be a military victory that is promised - for that is what is taken.  God's command to Barak was to call out his army of 10,000.  Deborah also proclaims that there will be no honor for Barak in this victory for the victory will be at the hands of a woman.  What God does is to cause a panic among Sisera's men - and they run.  What Barak does is to chase them down with his own army and kill them all.  What if, instead of killing them, Barak had been content to simply chase them away - receiving the gift of victory without bloodshed?  In this passage God does not command Barak or his army to kill anyone. Then there is Jael, the wife of Heber, and the awful tent peg that she drives through the temple of Sisera.  He had escaped the bloodbath of Barak, only to find himself at the mercy of a woman he chose to trust.  Was this the Lord's victory over Sisera?  To have a tent peg driven through his temple?  Or did Jael have a choice?  God led Sisera to her and the victory could have been his capture - not his death. 
Perhaps these are good examples of the delicate balance between grasping and receiving.  God delivered Sisera into the hands of Jael - but did not instruct her to kill him.  God caused the army of Sisera to flee - but did not instruct Barak to chase them down and kill them all.  In this case, at least, there is no mention of God's intention to take human life.  What would victory look like if we simply received it from God instead of violently grasping what has been set before us?  It is interesting to me, also, that God does not assign honor to Jael, but simply states that there was no honor for Barak in this victory.  These are simply my pacifist wonderings grappling with a very violent passage of scripture.

The promise in this passage was very specific to a time and a place and not for us today - but the story holds within it a lesson and a reminder.  I have experienced the pain and desperation of grasping at what God has to offer and having it slip through my fingers.  I have also experienced the peace of waiting patiently to receive the desires of my heart - and receiving more of what God is offering along the way.  It takes effort to remain in this posture - but by his grace, at least for today, I am there.

Promises, promises...

I would like to make a fresh attempt at blogging - not for blogging's sake, but for the sake of my faith.  I have been in somewhat of a crisis as of late and this will be a way for me to move forward.  It has something to do with my expectations of God - wondering if he really is who I have believed him to be - and from there - wondering if who I have believed him to be is based on how he has represented himself.  When certain bad things happen - it is easy to ask why, to lose faith, to be confused and shake our fists at this "all powerful God" who allows such things.  Is God not as powerful as I thought?  Did God abuse my trust?  Did he fail to come through?  Perhaps God really is not who I have believed him to be.  Perhaps he has even misrepresented himself.  If that is so - what can I do about it?  Probably nothing but be resentful - but that doesn't seem helpful.  So I am ready to put God to the test - to test his promises - and to sort out those from my own expectations.  If God doesn't live up to my expectations - that is my problem - my expectations are probably misguided.  If God doesn't live up to his promises - that is God's problem - and there is really nothing I can do about it anyway, because whatever or whoever God is - I know that I am not God. 

So bear with me, if you choose to read and follow this process . . . it may be a long journey.  I am choosing to use the Bible to sort out the promises of God - it is what I have believed to be his inspired word for most of my life.  If the promises of the Bible are not true, I'm not sure I'm up to finding a new way.....The way of love, the practice of following Jesus, seems to be workable in my life.  It is what I know how to do and I want to continue to grow and walk in this way.  What I am calling into question is the belief that forms the foundation of this faith - with great suspicion that God will once again bring me to more solid ground.   I am also sorting out the difference between belief and faith.  In my mind - belief is in the head - and that is where my struggle is.  Faith is in the walking out of what we believe.  Can I have faith without belief?  Can I continue to walk in the way of love if my belief is shaky?  That is the way I plan to move forward - in faith, continuing the practices, as I explore and seek resolution (?) to my unbelief.  I think I will be o.k. even if that resolution does not come.  The practice of the Christian faith is a safe place for me to explore - I am not on a spiritual quest to find another way.   I sense I am being heavily pursued by God - though I am also rather heavily resistant this pursuit.

Just as a bit of background, I have been reading about the open view of God, also known as "openness theology".  In Zechariah 1:15  God tells his people:  "I was only a little angry with my people, but the nations inflicted harm on them far beyond my intentions."  This points to what I have been grappling with in my theology studies, the "God is in control" catchphrase.  Things happen that God did not intend - but openness theology would say that God does not necessarily know beforehand which path each of us would choose, he does know all the possible paths and outcomes and is capable of redeeming all of them - he knows how to respond to each of our responses in order to keep his promises.  From there, then, I ask myself about prophecy...and I think it works this way:  God only promises what he knows he can bring about - even though the path there may be "up for grabs" in terms of how we respond to God and he in turn responds to us.  God never promised me, for example, that my husband would never leave me.  God never promised anyone that their marriage would last a life time.  God chooses to limit his "all-powerfulness" by allowing us to make choices - and is not a co-dependent God - he does not take responsibility for our choices.  If we break our promise - God does not override that.  So from there - I find myself searching...  What, then, has God promised us?

Today,  I find the following promise in Nehemiah 1 (from verses 8 and 9)  "If you are unfaithful to me I will scatter you among the nations.  But if you return to me and obey my commands and live by them, then I will bring you back to the place I have chosen for my name to be honored."

How does this ring true in the reality that I know?  Scattered we are, indeed, by our own unfaithfulness.  Yes, I do want to be in that place that God has chosen for his name to be honored.  I really like the way this sounds. 

an unnecessary apology

I'm sorry

But you needn't be

Oh, sorry, you're right

There you go again

You're right, I'm sorry

Why do you keep apologizing

I'm sorry, I don't know why

I never asked for an apology

Then what is it that you want 

I want your repentance, your heart

God must love me a whole awful lot...

I know God loves me, and wants my undivided devotion.  I know this because whenever something threatens to, or has become an idol in my life - God removes it from me - either temporarily or permanently.  This sort of sucks - because whatever had become the apple of my eye, the thing I delight in the most in the day to day - is suddenly gone.  God then asks "What about ME?"  If my delight is truly in Jesus, then the loss of these other things shouldn't sting so much!  But because they do, I know, that I have placed too much value on them.  Don't get me wrong.  I don't have trouble delighting in God.  My time spent in devotion (in the form of scripture, reading, prayer, silence, music....among other things) is a lifeline for me.  Without this I whither.  I did not experience devotion to God in this way until after I became a mother to my twin boys.  I felt so overwhelmingly inadequate, and they demanded so much of my energy - without giving much life in return - that the time I spent alone with God ceased to feel like a discipline.  It became so absolutely essential - like the water I drink each day.
In general I love to drink water - at least I used to when the water in my tap came directly from a pure mountain spring.  California tap water doesn't quite measure up - but San Francisco is better than most.  Even so, even when I had such ready access to such sweet water,  even though I really enjoy drinking water, I have always struggled to drink enough.  I don't even know why I forget to drink water - perhaps it is the busyness of my day to day.  I haven't incorporated it into my routine.  I don't feel the immediate effects of thirst and dehydration when I don't get enough.
My time with God, however, has become a part of my routine.  It gets cut short more often than not - I often don't get to finish the whole glass, so to speak.  That is often the case with my actual glasses of water that I start and don't finish.  Perhaps only now am I understanding why I chose what I did as a practice of discipline in this year of sabbath that we are observing as a church body.  My practice is to sit with my cup of hot drink (whatever it be for the day) - and to stay sitting until it is done.  Usually that time is spent reading, praying, writing...sometimes it involves some conversation...and often I fail to finish before I get up to attend to my other responsibilities.  But still, as a discipline, it helps me to work toward receiving, partaking of all the nourishment I need for the day - and not cutting it short leaving myself in danger of running out of steam before the day's end.
So, I'm glad God loves me enough to take away the things threaten to take away my delight in the Lord.  Even writing this today is fruit of God's tough-love for me.

Exodus inspired Haiku...

We've been studying Exodus.  Here are some Haiku poems inspired from the events that are related to us in Exodus 16. 

Evening Quail
Know the Lord your God
At twilight you shall eat meat
Vast numbers covered the camp

Morning Manna
See the Lord's glory
Eat your fill of bread this day
Fine frost on the ground

An omer to a person
Gathered by morning
By noon it had melted
Always just enough

Sixth Day
Two omers a piece
Tomorrow is a day of rest
and there were no worms

Some musings from the margins of my Exodus study...

Margin page 13 Exodus 13:4-17

So strange a face from the past
a past so painful
I remember seeing my pain reflected in his face
I guess it was his pain too
but different

To see those you love fall
into such a dark place
it is painful
and bewildering

But God will not allow us
to be tempted above what we are able.

Margin page 15 Exodus 15:3-16:3

Is he yet a human being
or is he still as cold and hard as stone?

I have become a part of the people you acquired, Lord.

We have passed him by.

When does Pharoah's heart ever soften?
I don't think it does.
That makes me sad...

Why?
Because Moses knew and perhaps even loved this pharoah.
He had grown up in his palace.
It is very very hard to watch
and love
after a hardened heart.

Have you ever tried to hug a rock?

...that you may be healed.

Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.  The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.  - James 5:16

It's funny how we can read the same verse over and over through the years and then one day it just hits us different.  That is how it is for me this morning.  I am hurting, due, I think, to someone elses pain.  Mine is a minor pain, perhaps - but more than I anticipated at this juncture. I suppose have always read James 5:16 with the understanding that others are healed as I pray for them and I am healed as they pray for me.  (I am not writing today about the role of confession, though it plays a parallel role to prayer in this passage.)  Today I read and receive that I must pray for that person whose pain has injured me - and that in this I will find healing.  What good news this is to victims of abuse, or indeed all of us who suffer the wounds of a trangressor (no matter how small) - that we can take ownership of our own healing process - through forgiveness and prayer for that other person who has hurt us. 

This is not a new concept for me.  Forgiveness as the key to healing has been painfully knitted into the fabric of my scars.  Scars, for the most part, don't hurt once they have completely healed.  It does seem, however, that once in a while there is a mysterious phantom ache beneath the surface.  But my scars are old now, and this unexpected, though much needed reminder comes to me today in a new place of pain and numbness.