It has been almost 2 weeks since we received the news. After a clean scan in April, my August scan shows a 7.7cm X 4cm growth in the resection bed of my retroperitoneum near my left ovary. I'm scheduled for a PET scan on October 3 to see how active this is and will be referred to a surgeon at UC Davis. My options will be: 1. Watch and wait. 2. Biopsy. 3. Surgical removal.
Here's what I know: There is a 98% chance that this is a recurrence of the same cancer I had before. Liposarcoma doesn't tend to respond well to treatment, so removal will likely be the best option. I have felt an increased "pinching" (nerve pain) in my side and I took a 4 hour nap yesterday afternoon - that is unusual for me.
Here's what I don't know: IF this is liposarcoma, is it well-differentiated (slower growing) or de-differentiated (faster growing)? The PET scan will give us a better chance at an educated guess. Only a biopsy can determine definitively the answer to this question. What is God going to do? We wait expectantly for the answer to this question and invite you to pray with us for an even greater miracle (that it shrinks and even disappears before the PET scan would be the most desirable answer to prayer).
Here's how I feel: I have been on quite a spiritual journey the last couple of weeks. The day after my oncology appointment I read Lamentations 3. Jeremiah starts as a "man who has seen affliction". He talks of skin which has grown old, a heart that is pierced, and teeth that have been broken with gravel. I was really feeling Jeremiah as the blow of our news sank in. Reading Jeremiah's misery resonated and felt familiar. Then I got to the middle of the chapter and I had to put the book down resisting the hope that was offered in an even more familiar phrase: His mercies are new every morning.
I have wrestled a lot with God this time around. That peace that surpasses all understanding? Well, I really had to work for it. My striving mode kicked in. Intermittent fasting, avoiding all sugar, picking up my guitar again to make an offering of praise...
"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases.
His mercies never come to an end.
They are new every morning, new every morning.
Great is Thy faithfulness, O Lord!
Great is Thy faithfulness!"
I can sing this through without my voice breaking now - sometimes. And I believe it, mostly.
There truly have been new mercies even as we wait...October 3 seems like it is a long way off. One of those mercies came in the form of Isaiah 30:18.
"Therefore the Lord will wait, that He may be gracious to you."
It is a comfort and a wonder that God waits with us...and the assurance that His grace is what awaits us on the other side of whatever each day holds is what we hold onto.
Be sure to "follow" if you want updates on my health!
In the bold confidence of God's care and the joy of God's good gifts,
Dawn Noelle
p.s. We have recently been studying the compelling case that Jesus was likely born during the "Feast of Trumpets" also known as "Yom Teruah or Rosh Hashanah" - the Jewish New Year. As we entered into 5784 just this past weekend, our humble little coffee-wood nativity set from Costa Rica is now on display in the entryway of our house.
