July 20, 2010 (reflecting on June 21, 2010) Today I read Henri Nouwen's words, which seem to address an inner struggle I have had in walking with suffering people, particularly in Latin America, and in facing my own suffering as well: "I wonder if the spirituality of liberation does not need to be deepened by a spirituality of exile or captivity. I wonder if a spirituality that focuses on the alleviation of poverty should not be deepened by a spirituality that allows people to continue their lives when their poverty only increases. I wonder if a spirituality that encourages peacemaking should not be deepened by a spirituality that allows us to remain fiathful when the only things we see are dying children, burning houses..."
Our visit to Centro Romero brought back to memory all the connections I had experienced the year before. The jesuit priests, their housekeeper and her daughter were all cruelly murdered by a death squad on my nineteenth birthday, November 16, 1989. This past year was the 20th anniversary of that massacre. In San Francisco we commemorated - and since it was my birthday, folks around me honored my request, by getting together to watch a documentary produced in 1990 called, "A Question of Conscience". This year, I looked at photographs I somehow had missed the previous year - the absolute mutilation of human flesh caused by the firearms. All I could think about as we drove away was how to form my response to my children who have been asking to own a BB gun recently.
Our visit to the consulate proved fruitful. I was struck by the "good cop, bad cop" staging as the one who really worked in the day to day of visa granting and denial sat in silence as the deputy consular seemed to show sympathy to our plea. How I long to have a more balanced exchange with Morena - have her come and visit and participate in the teaching of my classes here. But she is exactly the kind of person who is most likely to be denied a visa - young, educated. As the Deputy Consular pointed out - if he puts himself in her shoes, would he want to come back to El Salvador? But he has no idea of the ties that hold her to Santa Marta, to her family - he is the product of a materialistic society that would not choose a life of simplicity and love over a life of abundance and loneliness.
My notes are sparcer from this point on, and my memory is fading. I do hope to be able to complete my reflections soon.
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