I would like to make a fresh attempt at blogging - not for blogging's sake, but for the sake of my faith. I have been in somewhat of a crisis as of late and this will be a way for me to move forward. It has something to do with my expectations of God - wondering if he really is who I have believed him to be - and from there - wondering if who I have believed him to be is based on how he has represented himself. When certain bad things happen - it is easy to ask why, to lose faith, to be confused and shake our fists at this "all powerful God" who allows such things. Is God not as powerful as I thought? Did God abuse my trust? Did he fail to come through? Perhaps God really is not who I have believed him to be. Perhaps he has even misrepresented himself. If that is so - what can I do about it? Probably nothing but be resentful - but that doesn't seem helpful. So I am ready to put God to the test - to test his promises - and to sort out those from my own expectations. If God doesn't live up to my expectations - that is my problem - my expectations are probably misguided. If God doesn't live up to his promises - that is God's problem - and there is really nothing I can do about it anyway, because whatever or whoever God is - I know that I am not God.
So bear with me, if you choose to read and follow this process . . . it may be a long journey. I am choosing to use the Bible to sort out the promises of God - it is what I have believed to be his inspired word for most of my life. If the promises of the Bible are not true, I'm not sure I'm up to finding a new way.....The way of love, the practice of following Jesus, seems to be workable in my life. It is what I know how to do and I want to continue to grow and walk in this way. What I am calling into question is the belief that forms the foundation of this faith - with great suspicion that God will once again bring me to more solid ground. I am also sorting out the difference between belief and faith. In my mind - belief is in the head - and that is where my struggle is. Faith is in the walking out of what we believe. Can I have faith without belief? Can I continue to walk in the way of love if my belief is shaky? That is the way I plan to move forward - in faith, continuing the practices, as I explore and seek resolution (?) to my unbelief. I think I will be o.k. even if that resolution does not come. The practice of the Christian faith is a safe place for me to explore - I am not on a spiritual quest to find another way. I sense I am being heavily pursued by God - though I am also rather heavily resistant this pursuit.
Just as a bit of background, I have been reading about the open view of God, also known as "openness theology". In Zechariah 1:15 God tells his people: "I was only a little angry with my people, but the nations inflicted harm on them far beyond my intentions." This points to what I have been grappling with in my theology studies, the "God is in control" catchphrase. Things happen that God did not intend - but openness theology would say that God does not necessarily know beforehand which path each of us would choose, he does know all the possible paths and outcomes and is capable of redeeming all of them - he knows how to respond to each of our responses in order to keep his promises. From there, then, I ask myself about prophecy...and I think it works this way: God only promises what he knows he can bring about - even though the path there may be "up for grabs" in terms of how we respond to God and he in turn responds to us. God never promised me, for example, that my husband would never leave me. God never promised anyone that their marriage would last a life time. God chooses to limit his "all-powerfulness" by allowing us to make choices - and is not a co-dependent God - he does not take responsibility for our choices. If we break our promise - God does not override that. So from there - I find myself searching... What, then, has God promised us?
Today, I find the following promise in Nehemiah 1 (from verses 8 and 9) "If you are unfaithful to me I will scatter you among the nations. But if you return to me and obey my commands and live by them, then I will bring you back to the place I have chosen for my name to be honored."
How does this ring true in the reality that I know? Scattered we are, indeed, by our own unfaithfulness. Yes, I do want to be in that place that God has chosen for his name to be honored. I really like the way this sounds.
Thanks for this Dawn. I agree that God allows us to make choices, though I don't know that we are always free to make any choice. Sin may keep us from being able to choose some things. Also, at times God may circumvent our choices. What we choose does not always end up the way we think it will. There may be judgment from God on our choices. In the process of redemption God may turn our choice for evil into good, or turn our choice for evil into natural consequences for us.
ReplyDeleteUltimately I believe that in the end everything will be all right. As Jack would say, I have an eschatalogical hope. Clearly in this life that does not mean things turn out our way or God's way, as the crucifixion of Jesus demonstrated.
Actually, that eschatalogical hope is the very thing I struggle with. This is why I am looking for those promises in the Bible. What exactly does it mean for everything to be "all right"? (Rhetorical question) If this is, indeed, a promise from God, I suspect that God's definition of "all right" may be very different from our own. I guess that is sort of what you said as well.
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