Today I cried...

O.K.  so it's been a while since I've written anything.  The intensity of the Valle Nuevo reflections, as well as an article I wrote for Conspire! magazine (due out tomorrow, I think) sort of depleted me (in terms of writing)for a while.... but then there is the pain - and somehow that is what gets my juices flowing.  I really love what what Over the Rhine has to say about pain in their song "Nobody Number One"

And though we love to numb the pain
We come to learn that it's in vain
Pain is our mother
She makes us recognize each other 

Somehow this really resonates with me, and there seems to be a lot of pain around me lately.  My mother is in pain from terminal cancer.  As the tumor grows, what are the possible complications? I ask the doctor. The pain will get worse.  That's not really something I want to hear.

Then there is the pain of watching people we love making poor choices and hurting other people we love.  This is what brought me to tears today...and I can only hope that my own tears will lessen the pain, even to the smallest degree, of those hurting around me.

It hurts to see pain that I can do nothing about.  And it messes with my head and this notion that we should try to relieve suffering - if suffering is what brings us closer to God, why would we want to minimize it?  But we do - and I do - especially as I see it in others.  In retrospect, however, I do not desire to minimize my own pain of the past, for it is an important part of what has made me who I am - and, for the most part, I have embraced the person I have grown to be. 

To quote another song (this one, "The Cave" from Mumford & Sons) 

I'll find strength in pain.

My counselor once told me that I exude strength - I guess the pain I have experienced is a part of that.