So much on my mind...we've been reading Exodus, so that's one thing. (Other than that, I'm also thinking about the Giants going to the World Series, and how to approach Day of the Dead and Halloween celebrations in this city that is now my home)...but I'll stick to Moses for today.
So, I've been told that letting my kids negotiate with me is not a good idea, and I think I actually agree with that....it sounds right - they need to learn to respect my limits y punto! Right?
"Do what I say, when I say it, or there will be consequences."
"Kids need to know what to expect when they break the rules."
Yes, yes, I agree. Especially with the idea that kids need to know that there is a force stronger than themselves - most immediately, their parents. The thing is, my kids actually push that one as far as seems humanly possible. They are REALLY strong willed - one is more in my face about it, the other is what some would call "passive-agressive" but as we enter the world of the tweens - it seems they are CONSTANTLY testing the limits.
When I lay down the law - their "go to" response is to try to negotiate with me. Voices in my head tell me I shouldn't let them do that...easier said than done. More often than I would like to admit I find myself actually hearing them out, and even adjusting their consequences due to their clever arguments (they really are smart, those two!). Now, don't get the idea that we sit at a table and calmly talk things through - there is often a lot of shouting involved - and even slammed doors... sometimes I feel like I am really blowing it and my kids are going to grow up to be horrible human beings. Eventually, sometimes, these shouting matches can evolve, through a lot of energy on my part mostly, into a calmer conversation - and we can come to some agreement that allows us to move on relatively peaceably. Sometimes it is simply "kick and scream all you want but this is the way it's going to be because I'm the mom and that's that." So please don't think I let my kids walk all over me...although close observers may think that anyway.
So this is what brings me to Moses - and to God. In Exodus chapters three & four - God comes to him in the power of a burning bush - and tells him to do something very specific. Moses does not simply obey - but begins to negotiate. Of course, we point to Moses and say - he should have simply obeyed - our goal is to trust God - that is what God wants...He wants us to trust Him - that is why He told Moses that he would know he had done the right thing once it was all over and they were back at this very place of encounter with God. That takes a lot of faith - more than Moses had. He needed something more - even more than a burning bush type sign. A rod that turns into a snake..and...a hand that can turn to leprosy and back again at the flap of a cloak...nope - still not enough. He wanted to negotiate still. Did God say "because I am God, and that's that....do it!" Well, he sort of did, but Moses still tried to negotiate - and God listened. God actually got angry (sound familiar, parents?) but he did negotiate with Moses by suggesting that Aaron go along. God's goal to deliver his people was accomplished, but Moses still had a long way to go in learning to trust God.
So, maybe I'm not such a bad mother when I listen to my kids' protests...maybe allowing them to negotiate sometimes, although it doesn't bring about the immediate and "best" result - accomplishes something else that is really important. Something about how we relate to each other - and learning how to do that well...as they get older, I suppose more negotiation will be necessary. It is a tricky balance - teaching them to respect my authority and allowing them to behave the way Moses did with God...I'm not at all sure that I'm anywhere near finding that perfect balance. I sure am glad for grace!
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